madeeha is a mini half a metre of energy, smiles and giggles. she's just over a year old now. thing is, she see's me as her playfriend. not as 'aunt'. we read books. we paint together. we sing. and dance. and and and. her mom feeds her. bathes her. etc. im the friend. suits me :) and more than what she might learn from me, i learn oodles from her! her latest discovery has me baffled for a philosophy, though... she has just discovered her shadow. and it bothers her! this afternoon, it played about in front of her and she tried kicking it to 'go away'. alas, no luck. a few days ago, it ran around behind her. she was squealing at it to stop following her! but, apparently, it can't hear too well. and so. she's found a companion of little colour that will follow her around from time to time. but of course, if she can't see it, she won't remember it. or think on it. or dwell on it. i mean, there's a life time of fun to be had, after all! everything in life is exactly as it should be. and what you see is what you get. like ice cream and teddy bears. and hugs and kisses. life is made for living, sweetness!
but then growing up hints at some alternatives. appearances clash with reality. i got into a discussion at the blog of a fellow blogger of many reflections. a philosopher in her own right. and i made some realisations. that the face of innocence is often a mask of the conniving; and that a clash of 'truths' can leave one slaughtered, unless you decide at some point that you don't need acceptance, only the release of your truth. come what may. but then, you also learn that you can't let go of some shadows of perception. some judgements are held stronger than ever before, affirmed by the actions that prevail. other perceptions were trees that once gave you shade, now shaken from their roots. but then the damning question is: are we protected by our judgements? indeed, their affirmation allows us to feel justified. but at what cost?
its not always easy to weigh the balance. i want to be an instrument of the Almighty's infinite compassion. what else does my life purport? but it isn't easy. i want to feel safe in and of myself. not easy either. i want to love the amazing people i find so much joy in. without reservation. for the most part, that's pretty easy. loving is easy. unloving is difficult. ego decides. the soul struggles. i know that i am ego. i survive. i also know that i am soul. i don't like struggle. sometimes, struggle must end. but it brings a springboard for growth. use it or abuse it. the quest is clear, though. instead of striving, i am arriving.
my freedom starts here.
Local Council By-Elections April 2017
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