Sunday, March 12, 2006

Pain and Chocolate Cake

pAin is such a reticent thing. surreal. and beyond a quantifiable measure. we all feel it at some or other point, not so easily able to allude the prison of vegatable matter. but we also internalise so much said and done. pain is conscious. and subconscious. and we can be so irrationally porous about its absorption.. Pain is self-inflicted. I guess a consession as such can only make one feel some semblance of control. Over ones self. And the idea that none other can have such power, such immense power to distort the balance within. And without. Because the pain inside is often poured out of searching, seeking windows to the soul: the eyes.. sometimes in torrential storms of salt water.. other times just a landscaped picture of fear and trauma from the dried up well.
But there is a pain that claws at ones sense of balance which claims all control..
It is a kind of pain one might inflict on another. Subconscious. Or unconscious. I dare claim, it was purely unintentional. And deeeply regretted. Its this very regret that now tears at my soul. My dear friend, we have climbed such foreboding mountains, gleefully together.. and taken on the storms of the autumn sales with earnest female vigour. Braved the gale of the summer rush!We have lived it all side by side as sisters can. Laughed and cried.. and cried :P and stood tall and with conviction in the face of the shivering cold snowstorms of life.. a safe haven to each other. And beamed and basked in the Glory of the Eternal Sunshine! Oh yes we have! Divas of the Divine! Alhamdulillah..
And. How could I have predicted, being blind as I may.. childlike innocence or bland stupidity. One move. One unthoughtful encounter last night that seemed like a direct affront to you/?
Do you even know me to be your foe? Fragile state dishevelled because of me? The pain inflicted by Them wearing down the threads of sanities ropes.. And did I have to be the poor soul to add pressure to those weakened, exhausted fibres..Please take away all power from me if that be the case. Revoke the licence that time has graciously lavished. I will have to try again. So sorry, kiddo. Silly me, I had no clue, no idea what one spur o the moment decision might cost u.
But, the sunshines finally out. Can I bring breakfast at nine? I have some chocolate cake!
With Love and Chocolate. And Creme Soda. And Jelly TOts!
See you in a bit.

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