Monday, October 30, 2006

A Rose by Any Other...


I seem to be having some oddly speckled conversations with various friends and acquaintances, lately, about losing and finding oneself, and about defining, or redefining identity. Life affords one many instances for growth and change and introspection. The tendency to find autonomy within the chains of contstruct, doubt and inhibitions is like the new sprout of a plant finding glorious sunshine, seeking to grow because of and inspite of all it might have to endure. And in seeking out identification, ways of seeing and being, comes the issue of names. So. The question is, who am I? Who is Shafinaaz// and who is Kimya. Those who read this blog and know Shafinaaz, have for a long time been curious about Kimya. And those who read these memoirs for Kimya, have started quizzically wondering, who indeed is Shafinaaz. I believe, I might have inadvertently found myself between Me, My Self and I.
*
Shafinaaz, the name lovingly given to me by my mother, is a name of persian origins, meaning "pride of the intercessor". It is said and hoped that the Prophet Muhammad SAW will intercede on our behalf on the Day of Reckoning. Inshallah. This is the title that has carried me through life, a claim I find embarassingly impossible to fulfill, but one that makes my prayers to achieve such worth very urgent. Kimya, as QL and Dreamlife rightly pointed out to me, is the name of the adopted daughter of my favourite and most revered mystic poet, Mevlana Jelaluddin Rumi. I believe to feel a kinship with such amorous writings as his are, for a long time, and having stumbled upon Muriel Maufroys "Rumi's Daughter" a little over a year ago, was profoundly moved to discover a little bit of her in me, and me in her.
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Kimya was a discovery, and at the time, a random, but significant chosen identity for the sake of this virtual writers image. A reminder of who I am, The Creative Self. But then, with time comes a refreshing realisation that who I am is not, and can never be a single dimension of identity. Nor should it ever be static and unchanging in its multiplicity. The fervent hope that accompanies my life path, is that my findings be glorious and plentiful, as colourful as the hues and textures of a Kandinski oil masterpiece. Kimya, Shafinaaz, Me, My Self and I hope to be as many things as life offers.
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You, me, every one of us has this capacity to be so much and more. We hold back, seeking nothing from this repetoire of delight that awaits discovery. We dive behind these veils of contention, derision, and doubt. Entirely to our own detriment. The key to this ride of a life, is constant re-invention, provoking thought patterns and adapting the art of negotiating life at every angle. Only then can we truly be all that we were designed to be! Marvels of creation. Masterpieces of the image of His Beauty. I pray that we at least find the path that leads this way.. :))
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With Love,
Truly Me.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

finally, some clarity!!!!

um, now, which ones which again?

Bilal said...

Hmm, I'm actually a bit more confused:)

Faaiq said...

lemme explain in simpler terms. Kimya who is also Shafinaaz. even tho she refers to Kimya and Shafinaaz in the 3rd person. so 2 third persons would leave 1 to believe that there were 4 different personalities - which in this case is manifest error... so in conclusion... she who is not who she says she is may not really be the person in question during the enquiry but instead she might actually be the person she hopes to pretend not to be just so that it may seem that she is who she says she is. so in essence - she is a lion

Dreamlife said...

i like lions. but only at a distance...i'd be scared if there were one right in front of me. though - if it were tame - that would be awesome.

Kim...part of the post is over my head; but as you know, we find comfort in stability. Of course, we should not tend to the extreme of that, because then we become stagnant...but the term "constant re-invention" leads me to ask - how does stability relate to this philosophy of an ever-changing you?

Muhammad said...

Kimya/Shafinaaz,

This post really got to me. Thank you.

With regards to namesakes, mines is Muhammad, and I wouldn't have it any other way:) but I get your idea of multiple identities, just like I have two blogs for different parts of myself.

I can also empathise with the feeling of not being our true selves... I feel this inner urge to just break free and do thie things I am supposed to be doing. Alhamdulillah, I am beginning to see these things come to fruition.

The opportunity is endless and so are we.

Peace,

M.

kimya said...

interesting, to say the least..

anOn: im still tryin to figure out the difference myself.. as the text suggests..

bilal.. i hear you :P

faaiQ.. your Excellency..
hOw did u get to number fOUR personalitites??? i aint no gemini plus person, i assure you;)
and if thats not complicated enough, what about the Lion(ess)..
im no Leo either!!! just a kitty thas all..

Guys guys guys.. dreamlife.. this lion things gone a bit toooo far.
i feel a rOar.. but let me say.. i dont recall saying i needed stability. its more like a dance between different and FLuid re-inventions of identity that make for a multi-dimensional narrative as is Life, the Masterpiece.

:)

M: the multiple identities as i understand, hope to be not static and separate entities, but ever transforming, kaleidoscopic inventions that glide over each other, are linked and super-imposed to form the many dimensions that we might aspire to.

All the best to seekers of such formulations of the path. May we be Guided and Inspired only by that which Pleases our Creator.

kimya said...

FaaiQ, thnx for pointing out the third person reference.. in an attempt to decipher my identity dilemma, so to speak, i seem to have stepped aside completely and spoken about my LABELS as separate to my essence as a person with multiple reference points. Shafinaaz, KImya, Me, Myself and I. OH, I see the four now. Hmm.. I wonder..

kimya said...

actually thats fiVE

*siGh*

im going to join biLAL on the bench, and be quiet while the experts work this out...

:P

zee said...

boy just when u think u know a person....

:))))))))))))))))))))))))

Anonymous said...

The multipile discourses of life we engage in, mirror our personalities....Sir I

kimya said...

lol.. hey there zee.. not to worry, cos im mostly still the mE that we know me to be :P

Sir I, welcome.. and what an apt entry for you, considering ur choice of self-reference.. its been a while, i dare say! and of course, one can only expect the profound from you :)

true.. identity is a multi-faceted mirror!

Anonymous said...

aaah, so ur a painting???

now i get it!

Anonymous said...

so then whats with the rose?

kimya said...

lol

GoogLe Shakespeare..

A roSe by any other.. smeLLs as sweet :)

Faaiq said...

i think u can add Naala to ur list of names... suits u well

kimya said...

faaiq, thats so not excellent!

sigh

the Lion thing has to gO!
ur only reference is naaZ/PriDe..

LET IT GO, please :P

kimya said...

oh and while we're on the question of names, faaiq is the arabic word for 'excellence'.. anybody else want to venture some meanings/interpretations of their names? would be great.

Saaleha said...

well don't do a meaning of my name. Far too hard to live up to. But the post was wonderful Eloquent, thought provoking. Well done!

bibi-aisha said...

another kindred spirit

taqdeer said...

Welcome to yourself :)

Nazia Peer said...

I love lions!!