Friday, December 01, 2006

Its All Over! Or is it...

Gosh! Its the first of December already! The years run by like hot wax off a diminishing candle, and I am groping around in the impending darkness, trying to find more or less something productive I can say Iv accomplished for 2006. A good friend of mine left for Hajj yesterday. I spoke to him just as he was about to board the flight, and amid the usual residual prayers and forgivenesses and stuff, all he said to me was, Shafs, I'm scared. Made me think. Exactly a year ago, I made the pilgrimage to Mecca. Amid trepidation and myriad anxieties. So many profound miracles later, serenity descended. I have only to reach deep back to those moments in order to dig up that immensely sacred feeling of being protected by the Divine Source of Love. And to feel and know that everything that happens is a work under the watchful eye of the Master Architect of our destinies. But, I cant help but wonder about my post-Hajj year. Back at square one in the most pronounced way: I grapple with this Patience and Trust thing. And my companions of choice? Anxiety, contradicting my carefree, live-and-let-live life philosophies. What have I learnt, if anything at all? Have I discarded the demons that dragged me to a gutter of imagined glory? Perhaps that remains to be seen. Self-assurance is a new found joy. A cosmetic. And a tether of sorts. Keeping this tent of being, grounded, and at any given moment, ready to alight, beyond into Neverland. 2006 ran by pretty quickly, a phantom in the darkness, so to speak. But I cant ignore the impish little elves of light that delightfully added rainbows to my more dreary days. Marching on...

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Grrrr... this is a bit irritating. I should have copied what i typed cos its alll gawwwn!

all i want to say is that your marChing on comment makes me want to sing (or rather whistle) the 7 dwarfs sing-song 'WhistLe whiLe yoU wOrk!!!'

LOL

Dwarf Number 8

zee said...

Hajj sounds like it would be a wonderful experience, but i must admit, the idea itself is a bit intimidating:(

Muslimah4life said...

Yeah thats part of the reason I have delayed my trip for umrah anyway, I so want to make it work for me and have a good change in my life - else i would feel it was a waste...probably not the soundest of reasonings - but it means so much to me to be able to go and I want to feel like I learnt something great from the experience. Inshallah, it will be a life changing for all of us :)

Bilal said...

i am really keen on going for hajj soon. make dua- inshallah next year..
i dont think that we should wait for 'a time when we are ready to make a permanent change'- life is a journey of change- all experiences keep changing us and we should be constantly working for that...

The K-man said...

Cool Post :) Inshallah we all get the opportunity to make the greatest trip on earth.

K

kimya said...

dwarfie 8 :)
fee fee faafee fOoo :P

zee: im thinking intimidation is a good thing! it means theres some space for reflection and self-reflection, at that!
i hope u get to make the Journey asap, inshallah!

muslimah4life :)
thnks for visiting..
its amazing how we can just get on a flight and go somewhere, but incredible how we think so many thoughts about Umrah or Hajj!

Bilal, and K-man.. Ditto on the comment to Zee, may all have the opportunity to undertake the greatest pilgrimage of Love, inshallah!
to those who are making Hajj this year, may theirs be a Hajj Mabroor.

Faraz said...

That's one thing I often struggle with today; I know I still commit so many sins, and then I ask myself, how can I still be sinning so much after having stood in front of the ka'aba, weeping and praying? I feel like I'm not at all the person I was not even two years ago when I undertook that journey. It worries me.

kimya said...

slms faraz..

sometimes, self critique is a necessary part of self reflection :)
be gentle with urself tho, and be patient..

let the source of Divine Love be your eternal Guide!

this journey might have roSy temptation, but the thOrns are inevitable.. and the Garden beyond awaits us eagerly, inshAllah.

Anonymous said...

Ameen!
Ameen!!
Ameen!!!

Anonymous said...

oh but u lie!!!!!!

lol

u have done some superfab things this year.. and sown the seeds for some awesome things in the new year! i know u got what it takes so keep the faith and RAINBOW!

hopefully one of the impish elves of delight (MWAH)

kimya said...

Ameen :)

hmm.. well well welll..
the elves are finding a way out of the woodworks :P

thank u thank u ThAnX uuu :)))

remember me in ur duas

Dreamlife said...

regarding the title...its not over.

its only over when you decide it is.

on the surface - yes, the calendar says its the end of the year.

but thats the English calendar.

we have an Islamic calendar - which has a different "year" cycle.

We also have our own choice of marker as to where our 'year' starts and ends. for me, the end of Ramadaan is the end of my year - and then the new year begins.

I find this to be much better a marker than January 1st - because i was always an anti-conformist when it comes to the hype of New Year's resolutions and the like.

Ramadaan was the best time to make those resolutions; and not just in the 'date' sense of things - but, especially, in the spiritual sense of things.

1st January is just a number - a date.

Really, it only has as much meaning as you give it in your mind.

If your own self-development and self-betterment is whats truly important to you - then you take the marker which marks the end and beginning of that cycle.

This holds true for things that are important to us: we take the dates of those events as our markers. Birthdays; anniversaries; the date that something significant happened in our lives...we celebrate, or honour, or remember those events - those things - on those dates. So, those dates become our markers.

Its a personal thing, i think. And you should consider it "over" when its over to YOU...not when the Calendar says its a new mathematical year.

kimya said...

Thats truly inspiring, deep.. and intensely thought provoking.

Thank you, Y.

And ur right about these associations we make with landmarks in time and place and situation. THey tend to limit us like boundaries..

I too, dont enslave myself to resolutions, but id like to think that i can accomplish some goals over time, and within the Will of the Almighty :)