Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Borrowed Time

I don't want to do this anymore... even though I love it so! I sit here, feeling like some kind of window washer on a glass skyscraper; washing away in this repetitive circular motion with the sunshine on my face, and looking in at the wonders of the snazzy executives in the boardroom with their faces painted; first a sombre grey and then layered in varying shades of pink to fake a blush and rosy lips.

My blush reflected in this larger than life mirror is of the elements ravaging my usually pristine features and of the gust of wind splaying fingers through my uncombed hair. My shades of pink are just those memories of a time before I learnt to write. You know, when I pretended that I was alive and played on in that theatre of life, a smiling collaborator to the puppeteers jesting ways.

My shades of grey are the shadows from that time. And the reminders that theatre is fiction; and real life, well... that's not for novels, dearie. Why, that's made for living! If you dare.

I remember his words now, when I told him to keep breathing. 'Everything else is a bonus,' he said. 'A bonus.'

This is borrowed time. I just remembered.

And I want to do that thing that I love doing. But I also don't. I really don't want to. Not tonight. Tonight, I just want to breath again.

Tomorrow I will go back to being the best window washer in the whole wide world. But not today. Today I want the grime to collect on their windows keeping the sun out for a day. Just a day. Then tomorrow, I will borrow time to be me again. Tomorrow I will do the work. Tomorrow, fingers will tap dance at keyboard. Tomorrow the windows will be clean again.

But only tomorrow.

Today I will rest.

After all, this is borrowed time.

I just remembered.


Anonymous said...

Happy new year girl.
may you chant with the chimes and make merry always and forever!
Bless you!
tomorrow will indeed be a new and bright day!!!

Anonymous said...

p.s. dont rest today... for today will be gone tomorrow and forever. put on your best outfit and dancing shoes.. now now!

Azra said...

My darling Shafs :D

Rest...do what you have to do to be ok. My new philosophy for 2009 is simply "LIVE". We have to start living and not just surviving or existing. I'm going to LIVE :D

shafinaaz said...

aw seher :)

Dancing Shoes Aint Dead, lady...

thanks! happy newness to you too.
the physical goodbyes are inevitable... in this lifetime; and the goodbyes to days gone. think of it as springcleaning :P

instead of the proverbial juggling act, i just need a day off window-washing. lol...

reminds me of Karate Kid... wax-on; wax-off... sigh

greenmuslimah said...

I miss your poetry. How about some end of year poems Kimster? :P

New and Old and Goodbye and Hello and

KimyaShafinaaz said...

@ Azra... I like the way you think. (Did i ever tell you that you're a pretty amazing someone? Yes? Oh ok. I say it again then :P)

It's such an electric word!

@ gg... aw thanks... it has been a while since i penned worthy poetry... (probably even the prose gets a bit slack now and then)
oh.. i mean gM :P mashallah! lol

Anonymous said...

shuckkssss i miss Karate Kid!! i think he was one of those few kids whom i fell in love with once upon a time ;)
and yea wax on, wax off and that paint technique.. rememebr!!!!

KimyaShafinaaz said...

aw, but Mr miyagi was so sweet, too! lol... yea i remember the painting thing as well... i keep it mind everytime i gotta do some seemingly mundane tedious task or find myself in a repetitive cycle that i simply cannot make sense of .... i remember... that im in training (or my soul is,rather) :P