Inertia, Utopia, CHaOs

I cannot recall a year that went by so quickly, it felt like it had barely begun. Not for lack of having accomplished anything, though. In fact, precisely because of the years adrenalin-filled happenings, do I feel that sense of inertia still making me reel to and fro, and for the most part, vivid images meld into a belligerent blur.

This is a reflection. Not quite the customary year-end ramble.
Which is probably why I cannot find the words to express the stop-start feeling.
And, as luck and fate and the powers that be might have it,
its not over yet.

Do I sound like I'm complaining?

Hardly that.
I'm reading yet another visa script as I type; ready to set off to a desert rendezvous for a week of partying and festivity to round up the year that was.
While Dubai World crashes around us left to the folly of the markets and wanton players, some with tails between their legs, our lot might do the economy a small boost in our lavish outpourings for the next week. Shamelessly said, I know.
Such is the bane and the boon of the clad and shackled.

Ah, its been a year of abundance.
Words flow.
Joy bursts at the seams.
The trickles of sadness, loss and illness linger; keeping a necessary humility in place.
And the mirage of a brighter future looms at eye level.
2010 will be a year of togetherness.
A year of partnering on an equal ground; the dust on the battlefields will settle.
And it will be yet another year to reflect on, to learn from, and to celebrate for its lavish layers of utopia and chaos, in similar measures that maintain our humanity; that sustain all but a crass sanity.

Its not quite goodbye, yet.
But its almost there...

Love and Light,
Shafs

http://shafinaaz.com

Copyright Shafinaaz Hassim (C) 2009

Power games, headaches and my theories of reciprocation

Its been months since I had a decent headache; I used to harvest those with the fervour of a rare tulip gardener. Today, my harvest seems to have come in with a vengeance. I have much on my mind it seems. I remember when I was younger, and I felt pain in a limb, arm, leg or hand. I would imagine the affected area in a particular colour (eg red) and then proceed to imagine it flowing like a syrup out of the affected area all the while turning through the spectrum of colours in diminishing impact: orange, yellow, green, blue, shades of lighter blue and lavender.. softer, quieter and then gone!

And it worked. It became a game. A semi-conscious one at best. One that works wonders in traffic! And so began my delving into games of the psyche. I was forever mesmerized by notions of conscious and sub-conscious activity. 'The Power of the Subconscious Mind' was probably one of the most profound texts to allow my eyes and fingers a dance across its scenic pages. The mastery of June Singers 'Seeing through the visible world' in more recent years made similar impact. June Singer, a psychoanalyst, worked closely with Carl Jung and proceeded to write in light of Jungian philosophies and her own research observations. Singer describes what she refers to as her first experience with spirituality as a little girl, watching an ant climbing up the frame of a door and over the brass door knob; and she thought to herself that the ant climbs along various terrains without appointing meaning beyond survival and the like. But she could move beyond her chair, turn the door knob to open the door and move into a new room/realm. Similarly, she figures that human beings are like the ant in the bigger realm of consciousness and life; and beyond our limited reasoning and ability is the consciousness of a greater Power, God, who is able to Will far greater things than we are mostly capable of imagining!

Anyway, since this was meant to be an arb post, I will continue in light of games of mind and manner..
Power games. The games people play. Issues of security and insecurity; lack of communication when its most needed and fear of rejection. Key themes in a melting pot of relationship mud just waiting to be hurled at mostly unsuspecting patrons. Naive patrons? Perhaps so. Everyones been there some time or the other, well-bathed in both the mushy and the gory elements! And to learn what lesson? I heard a female friend say that she knows this really nice guy who likes her, but doesn't know how to GET RID OF HIM! Nice going lady. Just talk to the dude! They have been friends for some time. So he's not your average stalker type. Then theres this legal eagle guy I know who feels you shouldn't sent out text/SMS messages in a string.. rather one at a time until the other person responds. Ok and this means what? He says its a pride thing. To power freaks: I say its putting power in the hands of someone else;) And lets not lose sight of the fact that spontaneity is being sordidly murdered here! To hopefully most others: Games are fun if they're on state of the art gaming gear made by state of the art companies with good colour, graphics etc. This eight year old I know just got a new Wii. Moves up the ranks on coolstuff gadgets in my books, a close second place to the new GHD :P

Oh but regards endless discussions about the games people play and the pathos of rhetoric like: 'you hurt the one's you love the most'.. I could go on and on dipping into hours of research undertaken by scores of friends over copious amounts of chai, cuppacino, espresso even.. sometimes lots of lemon flavoured liqui coolers and often the gregarious tub of chocolate chip ice cream. Then theres the stuff of entertainment thats heard from the mouths of leathery horses! This reminds me of scribbled notes in the annex of my cobwebbed mind regards theories of reciprocation. All leads back through the maze to this thing about text/SMS messages and scoreboards keeping count of how many each side sent the other and (whose keeping count anyway?!) oh and home advantage! And hostile environments. And relationship choices as investments. Short-term and Long-term ones; Apparently. And so the spiral of relationship vocabulary dwindles further and further toward the abyss. Reason long lost in the impending darkness! Yet, methinks there might be a tiny flicker of love's light fighting for breathes.. And so here's hoping that the kiss of life will rekindle it! And that strategies for games of war turn to cultivation plans for gardens of divinely inspired love. Just what the world needs! Of course, We can hope. And pray :)