Monday, February 23, 2009

i aint no poker face

An inspired thread runs between the blogs, sometimes... it's enough to be celebrated.
I said at Azra's place just now, that we each have our prided space in enough dysfunction to keep us functioning... at an almost ordered, but often chaotic optimum.

In my case, it shows out in my writing's. Optimum is a day when the words flow unhaltingly, rivers into oceans and reaching their zenith just as I am about to crash for the evening to indulge in a read or a movie or a late night phone call to catch up with a friend... or something different. Seeking inspiration. Craving it. Replenishing it. Call me predator. My mind thirsts that way, insatiable for the most part.

It shows. When those days of being far below anything remotely optimum threaten my imaginary hold on sanity. It screams on those days. Raging, burning, and surging through every cell in my body. It shows in my writing; and more in my lack of being able to create at all. My facial expressiveness does little to save me the billboard status. I aint no poker face. That's for sure. Writing this book has proven that in oh so many ways. Zarreen's joys and fears have somewhat mirrored my own. In some cases she overcomes imagined hurdles that I have yet to surpass. In other's our lives are so far apart that it takes a little more than the stretch of my worn out muse. We need a vacation :) But not until the job is done.

I love some parts of this writing. Love, love, love it. I cringe at some of it. I cannot bear to read it! But nothing that the slicing and dicing phase can't fix. Or the delete function on my pc. But there's also some bits that surprise me. Lurking in the psyche somewhere, are these molecules and seeds of information that grow to tree's of like(ly) and unlike(ly). And they are made manifest in these creative efforts.

I want to paint again.

Now is a very good time to get started, methinks...



Elaine said...

Shafs, I would love to write something really great as a comment to this post but frankly, I am also having one of those days where the words just seem to get stuck as Rowan would say. So all I will leave you with is: You always inspire me even on those slow days - that's how brilliant you are :)

Anonymous said...

ahhh i can so realte.
it sometimes causes me to bleed internally and hence i feel choked. but thank god our days dont fall on the same date on the calendar or else it would have been HELL! :D
you keep inspiring me girl!
and i wish i could be equally aspiring! :D

Saaleha said...

the novel must be moving along brillianyly. I'm happy for you. Id love to read it. SOmeday...soon.

KimyaShafinaaz said...

@ Elaine: hugs n love to u and rowan for the kindest words, always! wish i could see u for real, pebbles! good memories resurface when i read ur blog :)

@ Seher: thank u my dear friend. I love your writing, and the newest one on so-called label 'jaahil' was astounding in its honesty! i want to go back to read that one cos i was rushing about this morning when it showed up in my feed.

@ Saaleha: thanks for the encouragement! i want to feel my way to a contented finish eventually, sometime soon... I will definitely keep you posted! :)
Hope your writings going superbly!

Azra said...

Azra thinks too :D

Thanks for the link...I feel knighted by the queen :D

KiLLa said...

I lost words for like 6 days..

KimyaShafinaaz said...

knighted? :P

lol... awwww... i am so not hankering after royalty!

kiLLa, dude... thats a drought :P