Good News and Bad News...

Good news is always welcome.

I believe that.

Especially since a lot of negative words get thrown about and rages flying from people you probably won't remember in two years time can cause unnecessary grief. And then there were those 'venom-spitting turds' who called themselves anon. Aaaarghhhh. I mean...who needs someone else's hot potato in their laps, right? Especially when things you say get twisted by ego's only ready for a jol.

What happens when their thirsts are quenched? Will they see the light, or will they continue to delude themselves for a lifetime? I guess everyone gets what they deserve, me included :) Alhamdulillah.

Ok.. First the bad news. I am in an excruciating amount of pain today. This all due to some painkillers wearing off and an hour of dental drilling into the recesses of my one measly tooth. It used to live quite peacefully at the back of my mouth until that dreaded day. A cavity. My dentist says its due to those braces I had when I was 13. Today's braces don't do that, she says. Right. Back then it was the coolest thing to sort out twisty teeth; accept for the fact that I couldn't chew gum or eat 'jawbreakers' (remember those hot spicey red ones??!!) or that I couldn't eat those lollypops with the gooey centre.

Back to the present; this all a load of drama to bring me to my proverbial knees. Actually, I am sitting on my knees as I type this! (I use one of these posture accurate typist chairs that has a rest for knees and butt. It's kinda funky. And it has wheels :P I love it. But Boi am I in pAiN!. Sigh.

So, to put away the bad news, I'm going to sleep. Writing is not happening today. Not like this, any way. Hmm... now for the good news...

I have just been appointed as a trustee (the youngest, I might add :P) on the corporate board of WIPHOLD. I know, its just a word. Or an acronym. I know. But it's a feather in my cap, whichever way. We are a total of five board trustees. The CEO of WIPHOLD, the CEO of WipCapital and the Chairperson (a Founder Member with great Merit in her field - legal and corporate). And then theres another two of us, newly appointed. This piece of news comes at a rather opportune time, seeing as I am at the threshold of many choices. It is a culmination of the many coats that I wear in the corporate and social sectors and I really hope to be able to make the most of it.

Read the Corporate Profile Mission Statement HERE.

The reasons that I have become hugely interested in this organisation is their immense social responsibility programmes in place. In some cases, companies like these are able to do more than the state. Read more about the extensive Social Development Commitment HERE.

I have a feeling that 2009 is going to be one heck of an exciting year!

oOo---10 Tips for Writers---oOo

1. Pencils are earthy. Hug a tree. Hold a pencil. Life flows!

2. Roller ball ink pens allow your words to 'feel' life.

3. I wish my dreams had ink at hand... They would make for some awesome scenes :)

4. Blueprints are not Buildings. Plots are not Stories. Brick by brick you gotta just write, write and .............keep writing!

5. Even the prison of the mind has a little window that lets the light of inspiration in. So keep your face to the window. Suns and moons are good friends to have.

6. I wish I had time to write contemplative sequels instead of daydreaming so much.

7. Daydreams are NOT agents of procrastination.

8. Procrastination is just a germination period.

9. After germination comes the rains. Naturally.

10. Rain makes me daydream. Sigh.

11. Happy Monsoons to all you fellow writers out there!


...Love and Words...
Shafinaaz

PS: I almost forgot. I met a very distracting dude recently. He was tall, dark and handsome. He showed me ID> His name was Inner Critic. Yea, he had oodles of dark charm. I'm a sucker, what can I say. It's tough, I know, but don't fall for him! Lol. Or her, for that matter :P

the quest for marshmallows...

I have been experiencing these awesome 'eureka' moments these past few weeks. I imagine that it's all part of a long drawn process of self-realisation that will continue for the extent of my life, however long or short that may tend to be. But I also feel immensely grateful for the journey, and the point at which I now find myself.

Theres so much I want to pen here. So much that I want to document, for myself, and to share with erstwhile readers. Because, everyday I pray for answers to the muddle of questions in my forever inquiring childlike mind. And everyday, I may have failed to see the answers.

My quest for the bowl of marshmallows in my eye-line has kept me striving without wanting to enjoy the view of a far bigger reality.

What an amazing reality it is!

I feel like the universe has let me in on a little secret. And I have this incredulous feeling that the secret is only the key to many more. Every single day, I have received a tiny piece of the puzzle, only to discard them into my box of seeming nothingness.
Until recently that is. When I had some time for silence, and reflection, and the need to do something creative. I reached back into that box of stuff and began to unravel and piece together the little bits... And a glorious image (still halfway there) began to emerge. I feel held and embraced by all that life can be. I feel like life is working with me. I feel loved :) I feel like I am always at the right place at the right time. And that I have no reason to want. Just to be. But I have to admit, it took some doing and some sandpaper-to-skin in getting here (rather I chose to make it feel like that for a while).

I also know that this is a temporary resting place, and that the shade of these leaves will shift for some time so that I can see the greater climb that awaits me.

I am just grateful for every moment of love that has brought me to this point, and I know that my emotional wings are a little stronger now ;)

Polokwane on the map of history..

Its strange. I grew up in Pietersburg, and often, people ask where it is.. If you travel internationally, you say you're from South Africa, or Janu-be-Africa or in places like Egypt, simply say Bafana Bafana or Nelson Mandela and that kinda situates you. In South Africa, you get asked where Pietersburg is and you sorta waffle an explanation about the 'city' on the way to Beitbridge, and into Zimbabwe. From Johannesburg, onto the N1 Northbound. Easy driving, good concrete highway now patched with chewing gum tar where the wear and tear has raised its bruised craters, and roughly 380km in distance, a little over two hours gets you clean into the city centre. As if all of that didnt encourage geographic problems of explanations and make for more talk than the weather, Pietersburg, just over a year ago was renamed 'Polokwane'..
An eclectic mix of people from all over Africa and around the world, this little town with little known identity has this last few days become the topic of great conversation, amidst much anticipation, controversy and festivity as the host of the 52nd ANC Conference. And, as the place where the ANC leadership has just changed hands from an intelectual core to, well, Im not quite sure. That bit remains to be seen. Yesterday, in a sweeping victory, the Zuma camp of the deeply divided ANC cleared majority votes of roughly 2300-2400 against the Mbeki camps 1300-1500. The democracy of an apparent electorate easily equated to the cult of the mob. And Polokwane is the place where all of this is convened. And will be remembered for this historic moment. But alls not over yet. This, is in fact, just the beginning.

But what interested me both as a sociologist, and as person who knows Polokwane to be an unpretentious and simple city with just enough amenities to keep its residents sane, and that much of the old-school dorpie feel to it to keep it grounded and make it home.. is the ironic simple prominence of delegates, MP's and councillors walking around the city, in some cases relatively anonymous to the public on the pavements. I stopped by Savannah Centre about an hour ago, and took note at Mac Maharaj chatting with some old NEC members most casually and comfortably at one of the main shopping centre's popular coffee shops, Cafe Rossini. And all this time I had thought that they would remain carefully stowed away onboard the guarded Mother Ship constructed for the duration of the conference on the outskirts of Polokwane at UniL. I was glad to know how wrong Id been. Refreshing thought, to know that the bigwigs had ventured to get to know the little host city and engage in its mundane everyday experiences. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy to think about.

a gift called hope

I feel myself slipping.. losing that measure of control, a deluded measure, but a coping crutch nonetheless.. this current lesson in i dont kno what has eluded me, and 2007 will draw to a pathetic close with me left wondering what that was all about. A dear friend said to me that he had a dream about me crying. Made him feel sad, he said. I rejected the notion at the time. Hogwash, I thought. But I cried twice in my heart and once when it was too much to bear, came flooding out my eyes, just when I looked at the message on my cellular phone that said nothing that words could convey. So I cried. And now, with nothing left to hold on to and nowhere to reach in this desolate state, Im crying from the inside. But its funny how, in all this darkness, theres a tiny candle fighting for breathes in the depths of the suffocating, all-powerful black. This candle called hope. My reason to smile. My new years resolution. My wish. And my fear.

Its true. I havent been able to figure out this thing called love. And its appeared in oh-so-many guises, some flawed and precarious, others joy-filled and fleeting glimpses of heaven. Imagined, perhaps? Not certain. But beautiful and sad and flowing with sweet memories and mostly, all void of regret. At the very least, I can say this for myself: none to regret having been as they were and no regrets or what-ifs about what couldve been. Rather, life has been a journey of engaged surrender and trusting in the order of things, personal choice and looking onward to progressive growth and all good things, of course. So its been good. No dependencies, no death wishes :P
Just some lamenting words wrought by an emotion-wrecked muse and a mind often riddled with over-analysis. And then some. Gosh, I may have said this before and often enough.. and I say it again: So much happens in one little year; so much more than one might ever anticipate standing at the foot of the mountain to be chartered and climbed. And upon reaching the precipice, its kinda strange to take a peek back down the path, look back at the mini milestones and the pitfalls passed- makes for some rather dizzying realisations! Made me realise and affirm that many of the imaginations plans are naive and porous againts the Master BluePrint. Thankfully. And that luckypacket rings and creme soda are mortal and silly compared to gentle souls and free men of steely character who will undoubtedly make waves of difference to the world out there. Reality, and Perspective... is so much taken for granted until its a bucket of ice cold water in your face! Thats pretty much what 2007 has been for me. Tonnes of reflection, smilingly beautiful moments, and a wonderfilled anticipation of what 2008 might bring.. So. Here I am, standing patiently in line, carrying a pretty little gift called hope and a prayer for peace and protection for my beloved ones.

Load Shedding: Unburdening the Burdensome

I am currently staying in the town in which I grew up, Pietersburg, now known as Polokwane in the Limpopo Province.. and will stay for the duration of the ANC conference. This should be a pretty interesting sight, for the stream of events might very well take place under a clump of trees in broad daylight, and should any of the events be drawn further into the night, then the use of incandescent candle light will be the welcome glow of favour. No, not because the Limpopo is out in undeveloped bushveld Africa; its not. Polokwane obtained city status well over a decade ago. And with its sprawling platinum mines and booming industry, may be ranked in relative good stead with the rest of developing South Africa. Including, when one takes into serious consideration, the constant excuses for power outages- the states belligerent wailing about not being able to adequately measure the growth needs for electricity and what not. When I drove out of Johannesburg on Monday morning, Classic FM's traffic report informed that major power failures would ensue in and around greater Johannesburg. Everyday of this week already, power cuts have swept through various areas of Polokwane at different times of the day in a kind of wave taking bites out of normal work and private life. Traffic lights have become makeshift, ingratiating fourway stops with road rage rising to boiling point. The main roads and pathways have been dug up in morse code style trenches in order for the local municipality to try to ascertain some reason beyond Eskoms load shedding, for the pandemonium. Geysers shiver in the midst of spluttering computer systems, residents of offices and homes are trapped safely behind their electric palisades and security companies are rushing about to install long-life battery support systems for now defunct alarms. Frozen foods defrost beside what was ice cream in insulated cabinets quickly transformed by lack of power and the blazing heat, from icey cool refrigerators to hotboxes. And the media carry sing-song reports of times and durations of the outages, as matter-of-factly as weather reports! A day in the life. Rather gruesome, down here at ground level. Welcome to South Africa!

Saying My Goodbyes.. Again

I always seem to do the ideal and thoughtprovokingly mundane thing around this time of the year... a bit of reflection, some amount of pityful complaint and surrender to all thats been and what never has... and mostly, a rounding up of goodbyes to the year thats gone and a bracing, for what lies ahead, perhaps?

So there. Its done. 2007.. almost over. another drip drip drip of the ubiquitous tap of time left open by some irresponsible fallen angel, collecting a muddy stream of running tears and mushy memories. Life, the perpetual theatre of drowning in dread and despair and muddled emotions. And taken into the dark room of reflection, often tending to reveal some surprisingly vivid portraits of living, 'life in still' i dare say..

Enough to piece together a moving collage for eyes to feast and fray with time..

Enough said. We make plans. And The Planned makes us. And we trudge onward, sometimes gleefully, mostly blindly.. quite bewildering, come to think of it! The demise of 007, an epic to be graffitoed in the subways of nostalgia.. and the yearning for newness that 2008 might bring.. well.. reminds me of the book i finally got down to reading: dreams are the intersection of wishes and fears... and when those wishes are the same as the fears.. thats when the dream becomes a nightmare... awefully paraphrased, i know.. but thats how i remember it.. Shantaram.. my current escapism. Deal with it.

Love and sweet nothings
Shafs

My Footprints are Muddy...

For a long time now,
I have been rushing around
running the wheel like a
good little hampster -

I stood still today..
And found to my dismay
That my footprints are muddy.
The flickering candle in my eyes
Shows me a promising path ahead. But.
My footprints are muddy.
How shall I move ahead?

Muddy from having stepped
through the murky waters
of the past...
I have just been trudging on.
And NOW, I make it my mission
to undertake a cleansing:
I hereby DeCLaRE to love and to honour
Me.
To filter the corrosive yellowed glass
through which I viewed the world
And to emerge in a gurgling stream
of crystal clarity: -
Refreshed.
Rejuvenated.
And Alive with Endless Possibilities!